BREAKING DAWN ---SAD

She grinned her one-dimple smile, clearly pleased to have dragged a halfway civil response out of me,and I gave her a reluctant smile back.
But her smile did nothing about the sharp, cutting blades that raked up and down my body. No matterhow much I wanted it to, my life was not going to come together like that.
I wasn't in that healthier place where Leah was headed. I wasn't going to be able to fall in love like anormal person. Not when I was bleeding over someone else. Maybe—if it was ten years from now and Bella's heart was long dead and I'd hauled myself through the whole grieving process and come out inone piece again—maybe then I could offer Lizzie a ride in a fast car and talk makes and models and get to know something about her and see if I liked her as a person. But that wasn't going to happen now.
Magic wasn't going to save me. I was just going to have to take the torture like a man. Suck it up.
Lizzie waited, maybe hoping I was going to offer her that ride. Or maybe not.
"I'd better get this car back to the guy I borrowed it from," I muttered.
She smiled again. "Glad to hear you're going straight."
"Yeah, you convinced me."
She watched me get in the car, still sort of concerned. I probably looked like someone who was aboutto drive off a cliff. Which maybe I would've, if that kind of move'd work for a werewolf. She waved once, her eyes trailing after the car.
At first, I drove more sanely on the way back. I wasn't in a rush. I didn't want to go where I was going.Back to that house, back to that forest. Back to the pain I'd run from. Back to being absolutely alone with it.